Rounding Home_A Memoir of Love, Betrayal, Heartbreak, and Hope with an Intimate Look into Raising a Child with Severe Autism by Sarah Swindell

Author:Sarah Swindell [Swindell, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sarah Swindell
Published: 2019-08-11T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 15

AFTER I READ THE TEXT, I started to tremble uncontrollably and the whole room felt like it was turning upside down. At first, I could not actually comprehend what I was reading, I was seeing the reality of my worst fear right in front of my eyes. I have never cried so violently since that day and hope I never will again. I’m positive I sounded like a wounded animal caught in a trap, because that is exactly what it felt like.

I walked over to Greg’s side of the bed where he was still sleeping, sat him up, and slapped his face—hard. I had never slapped anyone in my entire life. My body just did it, involuntarily, without warning and without my consent. You can probably imagine the look of pure horror on his face, seeing his wife, or some version of her, leaning over him screaming and crying.

“I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!” I cried, over and over again as he just sat there wide-eyed and stunned from the rude awakening of my slap. When he finally spoke, he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about and cooly told me to calm down.

“It was an ‘I love you’ like a brother and sister would say, NOT what you’re thinking,” he tried to explain.

But I knew better, and there was no denying it or convincing me otherwise. I said more curse words than I could count as I paced our bedroom floor with my face in my hands, crying uncontrollably.

“Get the fuck out of this house!” I managed to get out through the sobs. I could not bear to look at his face when I said it. I thought I actually might be sick to my stomach.

I don’t remember if he packed a bag, but I do remember asking him, as he walked out the door, “Do you love her?”

He quietly and confidently, without much expression, turned to me and said, “Yes.”

At that moment, my heart dropped to the floor like a lead weight. I felt dizzy with grief. Just like that, without any real warning, I knew we could never survive this. It was over. I knew I had just lost the love of my life and our family was broken beyond repair.

I instantly thought of our children still sleeping upstairs. It was only 5:00 a.m., and I was thankful that they did not hear a thing, shockingly enough. I felt a sudden panic about what to do next. I could barely hold my phone, I was shaking so much. It took me a few seconds to scroll through the phone numbers until I found Dave’s. I must have called five times but he never picked up.

I then called my dear friend Christy. I was crying uncontrollably when she picked up. I tried to get the words out through my tears, and when I finally did, she immediately said she was on her way over. My next call was to my parents.

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